Freeeeedom.

If you read this blog you've probably realized that I like to work hard and achieve things. This is not meant to be a brag on myself, but is a product of my desire for love and approval from my friends, family, and pretty much anyone who will commend me. I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, there are frequently a lot of areas out of my life that are out of control. But I do need to constantly be achieving things to feel good about myself.

The Bible says however that I do not need to achieve anything to receive salvation or God's love. God cares about my submission and obedience to Him, NOT how much I can achieve.

Over the last few months I've felt that I've needed a change to my lifestyle, because everything on my plate puts me in a constant state of stress and makes me very un-Christlike. When I put more focus on school, our business gets put on the back burner and I feel like a failure. When I work more, my grades suffer and I feel like a failure. You get the idea. But I have not felt like there was anything I could give up.

I should not be living my life and working hard at things because a) I'm afraid if I fail people will love me less or b) If I'm not achieving a degree or success at my job/our business my life has no purpose and I will have less value as a person.

I should be living my life and working hard at things because a) God has called me to each and every aspect of my life and b) It reflects his love, service, and furthers the Kingdom for his glory.

Since God revealed this to me over the last few days, and after praying about these issues, I have felt with certainty that it is the right time for me to take some time off school. Over this last year there has not been a time where I have wanted to take a break from school, but God has changed my heart. At the beginning of this year it was my number one goal to get into a University, but by letting God shape my life and my decisions, I now feel peace and excitement about continuing to work at Starbucks, focusing on running our business, and moving to Olympia.

I'm not only thrilled about having the time and energy to pour into our photography business (my real passion!), I'm excited to be able to spend more time investing into my relationships with people and serving in our church.

Please pray for me during this season of change in my life. Even though I have recognized a lot of fears I have been living by, this doesn't make them go away and I need to constantly be surrendering them to God and trusting in His work in my life. I'm also praying for a great room to be opened that fits in my budget, preferably with other Christian women.

well...

It's been a little over a month since my last update. Here are some highlights:

-Charlie and I have been mentoring with some people in our church and are meeting with our pastor to work through some of our struggles, both from our past and our present relationship. God has been very redemptive and we feel like we are finally on a healing path! Hallelujah!

-I (somehow) survived the hardest two weeks of the quarter. The week before midterms, and then midterms week, all with only one day off *sigh*.

-Is it that time of year again already? Senior shoot next weekend.

-I currently have a few "jammed ribs", which apparently is code for constant, excruciating pain all the time. Luckily the chiropractor is covered under my insurance and I now have a referral for massage and physical therapy. Hopefully this is also a path to a different kind of healing :)

-Charlie and I have been back and forth about staying here or applying to a university for the fall/winter. As of this month we are staying at SPSCC and continuing on our degree paths. I am praying about moving to Olympia sometime over the next 6 months. We shall see...

Here's to hopefully having more time next month to blog!

An Inspiring Story

This morning I met with a friend who I've been close with for about the last seven years, since I was 13 and she was 17. Over the last seven years I have watched her and her husband start dating while keeping Jesus at the center of their relationship, four years ago I was in their wedding and was thrilled when they started a photography business together that year. Over the last couple of years they have grown into absolutely outstanding photographers and designers who are passionate about the church, serving and social justice. She has always been one of the Godliest women I've ever known, and she never ceases to inspire me. She has devoted her life to serving Jesus and obeying Him at every turn. Not only has God blessed her and her husband with true love for each other, but He has also gifted them with countless talents in art and business. Needless to say I have always admired their commitment and obedience to the Lord.

This morning my friend told me that they felt God was calling them to move to L.A., and she started to divulge the plans and desires they had for their new start, which include some big, BIG and amazing things. I fought back tears as she told me this, because all I could think about was God unfolding His amazing plans for their lives. Plans that he had all those years ago when they started dating, when they started their business. Plans that He had when they were two years old, when she was 17 years old and leading a Bible study for 13 year old girls in my house. And now he's moving them along His path, to bigger and more amazing challenges and opportunities. I know that my friend had no idea of God's plans for her life, even a year ago I'm sure she wouldn't have imagined herself being called to such a huge life change.

I know that in my own life I need to stop selling myself short of God's amazing plans. It's not that I want to be begrudgingly obedient so that God will "reward" me, but I need to stop trying to be the author of my own life, because I don't write a very good story.

This last week I have been making some huge changes in my life that are very hard, and I quickly get to that place of "I'm ready to be through this." I want all these changes to be made in me, to be made for me. It is a huge lifestyle change dealing with the mental, physical and spiritual. It's hard for me to persist, to insist on changing even though it's what I need. It's hard for me to see past this craving, this comfort of how my life has been and see God's glorious plan that he has for me on the other side.

I'm no philosopher.

For the past few months my motto has been "work your butt off." Not because I need help doing that... but because I needed reassurance it was the right response, and I think it is. No matter how crazy, or stressful, over overwhelming things have gotten, I remember my motto and I'm reassured that it is not all in vain. Working your butt off gets you somewhere.

But it isn't a guarantee. Sometimes that bitch Life comes in and throws a wrench into your plans. So as much as I hate it my new philosophy needs to be:



Or in a word: Adapt.

*Stay tuned next week to see if I am able to stay enrolled in school or not.