It's okay to freak out sometimes.

What do you do...

When you work hard, all day and everyday, and the work never ceases to pile up?

When you slave over people's wedding photo's but it still isn't fast enough?

When you try to do everything right, earn an honest living and then people demand too much from you? They break you, rob you, crush you.

When you've been all work and no play for months?

I think these posters really started out as a cute idea with a carefree meaning. It's good advice. But sometimes you've just been carrying on for too long. The whole idea about crazy pressure or a "storm" is that it's temporary. But what do you do when nothing changes?



For the last few months I've been analyzing my life to see what isn't functioning. People frequently tell me that I have to "give something up." But I don't have anything I can lose. School is my number one priority and I refuse to quit. Starbucks is my means of paying my bills and photography is my passion. What can I afford to lose?

I pushed through fall quarter even though it was extremely hard. I was mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted (yes you can be spiritually exhausted :) We were still in the middle of our wedding season and doing a lot of portrait work on the side. I thought if I could just get through to December/January I would be in the clear for a few months before wedding season started back up again.

But here we are in January and I still have two weddings to finish. My school wants me to pay them $800 because of a mistake with my financial aid last quarter. If I don't pay it by January 15th I also have to make the second payment of my winter quarter tuition, which is $400. (When I repay the $800 they will resume paying my tuition again and I don't have to worry about it). School started yesterday and I can't afford to buy my books or a parking pass. I'm scrambling, yet again.

So what am I doing wrong? I so badly just want solace. A break, to think about my life. To observe things and change things.

But I don't even have time to eat breakfast.

I digress... maybe tomorrow I will have the answer.