Don't keep trying the same thing expecting different results.

I know a few days ago I posted about my one, really big goal for 2012, but I realized today that I need to set a lot more, smaller goals that are just as important. I had a mini mental breakdown today (I don't know what a normal size mental break down is but they all feel big) and I can see that I need to make some changes in my life for my own health and well being. In general I am stressed, overwhelmed, unhappy and feel unfulfilled. I know that these are a lot of bad words I'm throwing out here, but it's the denial of these things that led to my sob-fest today. So let's talk about it.

I miss Jesus. Jesus and I have had a Ross and Rachel relationship my entire life. That's right... we've gone through hot periods (usually short) and long stretches without speaking. But since moving home I've known, without a doubt, that I need Jesus in my life. It's not an option, it's my purpose.

This doesn't mean that I have made an automatic change however. I have struggled with a lot through the separation and divorce of my husband that led to me leaving my church that I loved and called home. But I'm done with making excuses. Whatever is in the past, is, and I can't let it hold me back from pursuing Jesus today.

I realize that I really need to talk to somebody. A counselor, a pastor, a friend, about stuff. I need to talk about my life. I don't know why, I just do. I also need to make more time for things in my life that nurture my mental and spiritual health. Things like quiet time, time to read and pray, time to spend with my friends and go to church. I don't make time for any of these things because I label them as unimportant compared to my load of school and work. But I'm really sick of being a miserable, grouchy mess.

So my mission is: Make time to go to church, have quiet time to read and pray, spend more time with my friends and find someone to talk to regularly.

Have I mentioned I'm an introvert? These are all things I'm bad at.

I also think I need to start being more active about my pursuit of applying to schools. I get stuck in this mindset that I will be trapped at SPSCC forever and I start freaking out and feel like moving to California. I need to pick some schools, write down the requirements I need to meet, and take steps to fulfill them. I need to know deadline and admission costs and requirements, and I need to talk about applying more. I'm pretty sure my parents don't even know I'm interested in going to university. (Also, is it a Canadian thing to call it going to "university" or do Americans say that too?)

That's all I have for now.